Wisdom from my past

Every once and a while I look back at my past blog entries and I find little tidbits of wisdom.  I was looking particularly at a list of things to learn in life.  A lot of the ones I highlighted because I felt I really understood them, no longer stood out to me.  So I thought I'd pull out what means something to me in the here and now. So here are some of the tidbits I've pulled out.

 

"That nothing of value comes without effort."  - In my life I've always figured that if I didn't have to work for it or sacrafice something for it then it wasn't really worth much.  I figure all good things come to those who wait and persevere.  However, many will chock it up to me always needing to do things the hard way.

 

"That in every face to face encounter regardless of how brief, we leave something behind." - This is something I see the results of every day.  Sometimes you think you have made no impact at all and discover that in fact you turned the tide for someone.  I've also had people turn the tide for me. In one simple sentence someone can make your life better. These are the moments I live for - the quick flashes of humanity that gently touch your life and dissolve into the air again. 

 

"That silent company is often more healing than words of advice." - This has been something that has frustrated me for years.  Sometimes when you need someone to talk to and listen that's all you need. Sometimes explanations, reassurance or quick fixes are not what you're looking for. Sometimes it's simply someone silently sitting with you and offering you a shoulder to cry on or a strong embrace.

 

"That I cannot expect others to solve my problems." - This for me has been a long and hard lesson over and over.  I've finally got it thorugh my head that someone else's solution isn't mine.  Their solution works for them and most likely won't work for me. The only place I'll find the answers is within myself.  And my baggages is my responsibility and no one elses.

 

"That if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work, meeting new people and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you." - When I came to Toronto I was scared of the unknown but at the same time I was expecting things and people to be the same as home.  Without thinking I just allowed myself to be the person I always wanted to be. I stopped worrying about finding friends, love and a life and before I knew it I realized I had all of those things in abundance.  People saying you find it when you're not looking is very true. The funny thing is I hated that line "It comes when you're not looking for it." I seriously wanted to sock the next person who said it to me in the face. But it turned out to be true.  It was in the moments that I forget myself and my worries that I find the most fulfilling.  I've also met the most amazing people then too.

 

"That education, experience and memories are three things no one can take away from you." -  Because of this I know I'm never worthless.

 

"That the person with the big dreams is more powerful than the one with all the facts." - Sadly I'm usually the person with "all the facts". I'm working on this.

 

"That I can’t change the past, but I can let it go." - I'm a person who has always had a problem with regret.  Letting go is something I'm learning slowly. I've always been one to not burn bridges cause I've always believed that you might need to cross it again.  However I'm finding that some of those bridges leave loose ends that hold you back.  I'm learning to let go of those things without trying to find things to fill those holes.

 

"That love will break your heart but it’s worth it." - Ah love...my achilles heel.  When giving advice to others I always believe this but when it comes to myself I'm more guarded.  Greg recently sent me a song by Adam Cohen. I found the song totally expressed how I felt about love.

 

"Some people fall in love
I've just been 'round the edges
I'm still not really sure
about what it is or how to get it
Is love by chance or seduction
all that I have are vague assumptions
of what love must be like
what love must feel like
Tell me what does it look like
is it as beautiful as you"

 

"I've never been in love
Does that surprise you
I find myself alone
in the times where I don't want to be alone
It's not that I'm scared
of going to deep
It's just I'm no good at pretending
starting or ending
casually, I'm imagining
what love must be like
what love must feel like
Tell me what does it look like
Make it as beautiful as you."

 

I think that's me. I'm waiting to be shown. I'm waiting to experience it for myself instead of being a witness to everyone else's experiences with love. So go ahead someone, show me.

 

"That you can tell a lot about a man by the way he handles these three things: a rainy holiday, lost luggage and tangled Christmas tree lights." - I think this statement is rather whimsical.  I already know my friends are great because we have handled the 'rainy holiday' experience numerous times.  It never stopped us from having fun. Not in the least.

 

"That ultimately takers lose and givers win." - I've always believe this. I like to give. I love making people smile.  I feel richer for being that way.  I also believe that if you send out good then good will come back to you.  Sometimes it doesn't happen immediately, but eventually you will be surrounded by more good than bad.  There are a lot of takers in the world and sometimes it feels like they've drained you of every drop of kindness.  If you look a little deeper you will find out that the spirit of giving within you and love can never run dry.  Yes, I've been hurt by takers but that hasn't stopped me from continuing to give. 

 

"That I should make the little decisions with my head and the big decisions with my heart." - I've found that my heart has never steered me wrong.

 

"If you depend on others to make you happy you’ll be endlessly disappointed." - Ultimately you have to watch out for your own spirit and heart. That doesn't mean you don't believe in people, it just means that that belief is tempered with the knowledge that people will let you down. Don't put anyone on a pedestal because we are all flawed and human.  This is part of the adventure!

 

"That how people treat me is more a reflection of how they see themselves than how they see me." - I have strong tendencies towards being a pleaser.  I take it hard when someone doesn't like me or seems to not like me because I believe that despite my flaws I'm a good person at my core.  When someone can't see past the superficial it hurts.  I have learned to realize though that some people will dislike you for qualities they see in you that they wished they had.

 

"That making a living is not the same as making a life." - This lesson has been driven home by all my fantastic new friends here in Toronto.  They have really made my life a life.

 

"That love is a great investment. No matter whom you give it to, it returns great dividends." -  Love always returns to you.  Love given is never wasted.  It's power is hard to explain and understand but it can do things you never thought possible.  Giving love costs nothing.  You can't lose it by giving it.  It is always plentiful.  So why hold back? The giving could change your life and in the end if it doesn't last, you will always have more to give and receive.

 

"That you should fill your life with experiences, not excuses." - A challenge for me is to keep myself from getting defensive.  Defensiveness causes excuses.

 

"That people don’t want advice, but understanding." - Understanding is what I look for.  Advice is only good if someone is in a place that allows them to accept it.

 

"That we grow only when we push ourselves beyond what we already know." - The times I've felt I've grown most is at moments when I'm sure I can't go on.  Instead, I discover, like as I once read, "that the person that I thought I was is no match for the one I am."

 

"That people who have mastered the art of living seem to be guided by an internal compass. They might not always stay on track, but they have a way of always returning to the proper course." - Scott is my model as far as this is concerned. He has always had a way of returning to course after interesting detours.

 

"That there are people who love you dearly but just don’t know how to show it." - My lesson in mother-daughter relationships.

 

"Never to underestimate the potential power of the human spirit." - This is a lesson I have learned from my Grandparents.  They lived through and overcome things that I in my pampered, sheltered life never had to even imagine. They shaped the world that I am living in with their strength, courage and perseverence. They make me believe that anything is possible if you are willing to stick it out.

"That you should never put off saying ‘I love you’ in any relationship as long as you sincerely mean it. Otherwise, you may spend the rest of your life regretting it." - This is one thing I feel like I've always been good at.  If I really care about someone I let them know.  I never want to let a moment pass me by when I miss letting someone know how important they are to me.  Of course it's not always easy to be honest like this because you are then vulnerable to that person, but I've always found that the truth is always worth the risk.

 

"That if you are in a relationship with someone who doesn’t believe in you, you should get out before you stop believing in yourself." - Love or friendship should never rob you of your self-worth.  If it does then it's not a relationship, it's destruction.

 

"That everybody wants to be special to someone." - Keep this in mind and you'll treat everyone the way they want and deserve to be treated.

 

 

Lastly, here is a poem I found that always makes me cry when I read it.  Sometimes I too am sappy.  Proof that everyone wants to be special to someone.

 

I asked you if you liked me, you said no.

I asked you if I was pretty, you said no.

I asked you if I was in your heart you said no.

I asked you if you would cry if I walked away, you said no.

 

So I walked away ... you grabbed my arm and said .. I don't like
you I love you ... you're not pretty you're beautiful... you're
not in my heart, you're my soul ... and I wouldn't cry if you walked
away I would die....